His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
