i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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