I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
