We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Plan B is the new Plan A
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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