I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
