He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
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