How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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