There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
