a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize