If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
