sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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