when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
