And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
