Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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