I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
