I need to stop coming to work sober
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
