I cannot find my penis.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
