I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize