I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
