I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
