you guys were way drunker than both of me
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
