I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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