whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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