I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
jump out the window naked night went bad
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