There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
