she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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