I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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