garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
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