They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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