my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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