i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I am available for nakedness
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
