Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
