Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
