I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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