I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize