This girl is more easily done than said...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
