we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
