You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i think my cat just said my name.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
