u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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