I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
