I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
