Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Randomize
