How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
