My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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