I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
