I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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