I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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