I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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