The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
