Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
