We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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