how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
