At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
