The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
