Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i've created a new STD.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
