hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
