she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize