Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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