You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
