32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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