his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
