So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
