I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
