my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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