She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
