I want to walk on stilts...naked
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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