Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
