Did you just see the Batmobile???
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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