I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
