Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
