It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
