I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Welp...herpes.
we're making bets on your personal life
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
