Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
