Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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