I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
false alarm, still single
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
