I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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