Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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