While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
