he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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