Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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