And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
