I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
