This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
