More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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