I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
