If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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