yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
