kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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