And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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