he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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