Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
