So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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