I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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