You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
