hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Too much gin, very little bucket
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
