I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
