Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
