is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
