I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
