u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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