did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
