They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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