Who wears a wallet chain?!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
