Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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